Breastfeeding

Warning: if you are uncomfortable about this subject you might just want to skip this post :)  Oh and it's the longest post I've ever written...

Breastfeeding is not talked about very much in the mommy world, which is super weird to me because for a lot of moms it is the most consuming topic.  I know in my world it is a subject which gets talked about a lot.  Is the latch right? When does it stop hurting? How much is baby getting?  Am I making enough milk? Was it something I ate? Do I have an infection?  Stuck milk?... Warm rag + repositioned baby. Will this shirt be easy to nurse in public with? I could go on and on... It's hard.  There's a lot to learn for you and your baby.  But for me, it's the best thing I've done and am doing as a mother. My kids' immune systems are stronger, they are healthy, satisfied, and the bonding that happens is pretty incredible. Not to mention I never have to worry about bringing bottles, buying formula, will I be able to warm the milk?  I carry food everywhere I go, and it's pre-warmed to the perfect temperature. 

However there are many many moms out there that would love to breastfeed but are unable to due to various circumstances.  And maybe this is why it is not talked about.  I know this, and this is why I feel so blessed to have been able to do so.  Some women never produce milk, others it dries out, and for many, their baby just doesn't prefer the breast.  I know their are many other reasons, medically and/or personally which makes this not possible for women.  

When I got pregnant with Rhone, it was the #1 goal I had for myself.  I wanted this so badly for myself and for my baby that I had it in my head that I was going to breastfeed no matter what. Looking back at what I went through with Rhone I easily could have given up.  It was hard.  I honestly can't think of anything I have done in my life that I have put more effort into to produce the outcome I desired.  And for that I can say that I am proud of myself.

When you have a baby, usually, the nurse will help you with your first latch.  And from there, unless you ask for help, you're on your own.  To me this is the first reason why many women are not successful.  I wasn't afraid to ask for help.  I was given the best advice from someone to do just that.  Ask for a lactation consultant.  In the beginning I was terrible at getting Rhone to get a good latch.  I had amazing lactation nurses that suggested getting them every time I had to nurse.  So I did.  I met practically every consultant on the staff in the 2 days I was there.  Every new shift, I got someone to help.  They gave me new tips to help and I wrote them down knowing I had no sleep and probably wasn't retaining anything that happened.  They told me it would be uncomfortable for 2 weeks.  Well at 2 weeks, it still hurt, and then at 4 and then at 6... 8-9 weeks is what it took for me.  I cried almost every time, I shrieked in pain, cracked, bled, had infections and spots where the milk would get stuck in for days.  I had to warm a wash cloth and massage every time.  I also give a HUGE shout out to my amazing husband who helped me with Rhone almost every time, he sat with me and held my hand, he put TV shows on to take my mind off the pain.  He cheered me on, and told me how proud he was of me.  It meant the world to me and I couldn't have done it with out him.  I went to La Leche leagues, support groups, nursing consultants.  After all this help, and after several weeks of training myself and my baby I was a pro.  I got a perfect latch every time.  But still was in sever pain every time.  Nobody could tell me why, nobody could help.  It was just me, Rhone, and my skin.  Even though I asked for help from experts I knew what was going on, I just had to keep trying.  My skin was the problem...I have eczema and I have had this ever since I was a baby.  Needless to say, having a baby breastfeed for 30-40 mins every 2-3 hours did a number on me.  And it just took 8 weeks for my skin to heal.    

During those first 3 months the consultants gave me great advice that I took and did exactly what they said.  No bottle, no matter how tired you are, no bottle even if you're bleeding, no pacifiers... just keep going and it will all work out.  Looking back, knowing what I know now, I could have done all the above and been ok, but I was too scared to even try.  And well, it worked.  I breastfeed Rhone until he was 15 months old.  It was a special time for him and me to be together just the two of us, in peace bonding together.  It was definitely harder for me to stop feeding him than for him to stop. 

I am excited to tell you all that when I had my second child Lachlyn, it went considerably better.  While pregnant with her, I was scared that I wouldn't be able to do it a 2nd time.  I was scared to go through all that over again.  But because I had so many tricks up my sleeve, I made sure that the first latch was perfect and from then on, no matter how tired I was, I got up and feed her, in my chair with my boppy in hopes that I could prevent breakdown and sores.  I still was in a lot of pain with her too, but it wasn't nearly as bad.  She was a lot more gentle -not like my little piranha I called Rhone. haha  It still was very painful for about 6 weeks, but I knew it would end.  I knew it would be worth it.  She is now 7 month old, and we are still breastfeeding.  Hoping to go to 15 months again... I do have to say though, I wasn't as scared to give myself a little break if I needed it.  I gave her bottles, I pumped, she uses a pacifier and still is a great breast feeder.  That pacifier that I was so scared to use with Rhone has actually changed my life for the better.  It instantly soothes her instead of soothing with the breast.  

Another big issue that I wanted to talk about briefly that many moms face is going back to work.  When my maternity leave was coming to an end, I started to worry a lot about the whole pumping, keeping up your milk supply, and bottle feeding.  I searched and searched and found a day care right by my work that I loved!  It was a 20 min out of the way drive for my husband who dropped him off and picked him up, but he graciously did it so I would be able to go there on my lunch break to breast feed.   It made a huge difference in my anxiety during those early months of leaving your newborn with someone else. I highly recommend this to any working mom out there who is nervous about leaving for 8-9 hours a day.

This all just goes to show that with so many moms out there, not all babies are the same.  You might do things differently with each child and thats OK.  It's about learning, it's about change, it's about doing what's best for you and your child.  My advice is to enjoy every minute.  Journal your highs and lows.  It is those moments that we should talk about.  The good and the bad, because if it weren't for the advice I was given, I would never have accomplished this goal.  We all should share our stories with others in hopes to help some tired, worried, frustrated new mom out there. 

Sorry this was so long... it's a subject I love and I hope that it will help some mom out there.  But I'm tired and very hungry... breastfeeding mom :)