Change is in the air.
Not just the cooler weather, our lives are up for some big changes. About 2.5 years ago, when Rhone
was born, I dreamt of being a stay at home mom or working part time, but it was
just a dream. I was putting my husband
through undergraduate school and then grad school. I knew it was going to be a long road. But our life plans drastically changed this
past August. After being off of school
KC finally had some extra time to research and really dive into this new part of
his schooling which was Medical Physics.
Well with all this research came the unknown truth that basically this
job he was seeking was not as it seemed 3 years ago. The market had changed. The regulations and requirements had changed
drastically. Instead of just 2 more
years, it was now going to be 4 years (grad school + residency) with no
guarantee of a job afterwards. So… after many talks, prayer, and research KC
decided to quit. There were mixed
feelings for me. I was the one who
talked him into this field. Was all this
my fault? Is going to school a huge
mistake or was quitting a huge mistake?
It was hard, but with much prayer, we both knew that this was for the
best and that God had a different plan for us.
Our new plan was that KC would get a job until next August when he can
apply for graduate school in Engineering or medical Dosimetry. For me this decision meant that potentially
I could finally have my dream which was to be a stay at home mom, well for at
least 1 year. The idea, the hope that
this could happen and that I could stay home for the first year of Lachlyn’s
life was incredibly exciting for me. I
was all smiles. Well…. reality came
crashing down on me when week after week we waited for that big job offer and
yet nobody was calling. I realized that
maybe back in the day, a Physics graduate would be able to get an engineering
job, but in today’s economy that simply isn’t the case anymore. After applying for over 200 jobs with little
promise for a well enough paying job responding I started to get extremely
discouraged.
It’s funny to look back at
the last year and think about all the different emotions I have gone
through.
In the beginning of the year
I was pregnant and we were waiting and waiting for acceptance into graduate
schools. Finally… after months of
waiting to know our future, we found out he got into U of A and we were going
to stay here. Staying in Tucson, for KC to go to
school was bitter sweet. I wanted him to
get in so badly so he could finally start the last part of his schooling, but
at the same time, I knew I was having Lachlyn and I so badly wanted to be a
stay at home mom. I can’t tell you how
many times, I cried myself to sleep thinking how I was going to have to work
with a new baby and a toddler. So in
June, my little Lachlyn was born. KC and
I both were off for 3 months with Rhone and
our new little addition. It was the best
3 months of my life! We didn’t go
anywhere, we didn’t vacations, we just stayed home and I soaked up every single
little moment with her and my boys.
KC is such a stronger person than me. I have a very sensitive soul, and rejection
just really hits me hard. It gets to my
core. Add with the guilt a working mom
deals with was a little too much for me.
I got depressed. I tried to soak
in the small things that matter so much to me when I was home. When I got off of work, I would run home and
I would attempt to hold and love on Lachlyn while playing with Rhone all night.
It was exhausting, but it was the only way I could get in my kid fix in
those short 3-4 hours before bed time. Some
of my best memories were after I put Rhone to
bed, I would stay up and for the next 2 hours, I would just rock and stare at
Lachlyn while she slept. Well, after 2
months of this, I was at my breaking point.
KC saw how hard it was for me, and we took a leap of faith and decided
that for my health I was going to quit, KC would get a job at Albertsons or
Costco, and we would move into a tiny apartment. It was hard to know if this decision was the
right one for our family. However I am a
strong believer in living life to the fullest now, because you never know what
tomorrow will bring. And seeing my kids
grow while so young was something that I really wanted for myself and for
them. So last Monday morning I walked
into my boss’s office, and told him that I was going to quit at the end of
November. When he asked me why, I
proceeded to tell him that I really wanted to stay at home with our kids and
that I was going to look for a part time job if and when we really needed help
financially. Then, God preformed a
miracle. My boss told me that he would
try to get me a part time position at my current job, and I would be able to keep
my health benefits. This was a miracle
because I have been asking for this for about 2 years. But I was told over and over that it wouldn’t
be possible. At first I didn’t believe
him; I didn’t want to get excited until it was an official position. It took 2 weeks, 1 doctors meeting where they
had to vote on it, and 1 stressed out boss, due to re-arrangement of schedules
and starting next week I’m officially Part time. I will work 3 days one week and 2 days the
next week. KC is going to look for a full
time job to compensate some of our lost income, while waiting for a better job
to come along. It’s been such a great
burden lifted off of myself. I can keep
my skills at work, we keep our medical benefits, and I get a lot more time home
with Rhone and Lachlyn. My marriage is a lot stronger, and I am able
to take the pressure I had on KC and be able to relax and enjoy life instead of
trying to always change it. I have a new
outlook on life now. I owe it all to
God. I had prayed every night, cried for
hours for this and he’s taught me many lessons and has blessed our family.
