If you REALLY knew me

If you REALLY knew me…

You would know that I struggle with fear

Fear of having regret

Fear of not being a good enough parent to my kids

Fear of them getting sucked into worldly ideas that they are too good
or too smart to believe in God

Fear of them not knowing the Lord

Fear of dealth

Fear of not being able to protect them at all times

Fear of them getting hurt

Fear of the unknown

If you REALLY knew me…

You would know that I have wanted to quit and be a stay at home mom since Rhone was born

And that I pray every night and ask God to make that happen for me

However... I am scared to quit because I am really good at what I do

And when you feel like your really good at something, it is hard to give it up

I feel that because of my personality and my struggle with health, I am able to be more simpathetic toward people in need of upthifting

And if I quit, I won't be there for someone else who needs it

However, working in an environment that reminds you to live each day to the fullest, reminds me that my kids are what is most important to me, and that I need to spend as much time with them as I possibly can, because you never know what tomorrow brings

If you REALLY knew me…

You would know that I am not good at being a friend.

I want to be everything to my friends, but end up falling short because I choose my family over them

I am learning to balance that

You would know that I am a planner

I have tried to plan every step in my life, and have succeeded 1/2 the time

God just keeps reminding me that he's in control, and I'm ok with that

If you REALLY knew me…

You would know that I am a home body

You would know that I like to go out... but I like staying home more

You would know that I love to clean & I love a clean home

You would know that clean sheet night + shower night is one of my favorite nights

You would know that I shower at night

I can't remember the last time I showered in the morning

I am starting to shower early evening with Rhone... time saving trick

If you REALLY knew me…

You would know that I don't like cooking

You would know that I don't necessarily like to do dishes, but I love the feeling when they're done

You would know that I have a place in my house for everything

If it's not labeled, just ask

You would know that I get seriously stressed out if my home is messy

And with 2 kids and KC and Wabash, it's impossible

You would know that I cringe every time someone walks into my house with shoes on

And this is why I love sandals

If you REALLY knew me…

You would know that I love to shop

I love the feeling of something new to wear

You would know that I am taking up 3 of the 5 closets in this house

If you REALLY knew me…

You would know that I pray everyday for my children's salvation

You would know that I pray everyday for KC

 You would know that I pray everyday for my childrens health

You would know that I love that I am becoming more comfortable with writing this blog, knowing that people will eventually read it.

If you REALLY knew me…
 You would know that I have a tattoo on my left wrist that says "Faith"

I got white ink, so that it would not be noticable to others 

and would be a reminder to just me

However... white ink does not stay, it bleeds and looks like a mess years later

I plan on getting it re-done after breastfeeding next year

If you REALLY knew me… 

You would know that I am scared that people will judge 

But I also love that I am beginning to not care.

You would know that I am trying to work on all of these things

I trust God will help

I trust that he is in control

.