A dream vs. Fear

This post is a little unusual for me.  It's long, its deep, and there are no pictures.  But I wanted to share our exciting news that finally turned from a dream we had into a reality. 

Last year in May I believe, KC found out at work that he potentially will need to go to Italy for a job.  He came home that night and said, "so Lynn, I might have to travel again for work sometime in the next couple months."  I instantly sank in my chair, because every time this happens I get a pit in my stomach.   I seriously dread the times when he has to leave home for anything.  We are just simply meant to be with each other every single day! Sounds silly, but seriously when he is away, my heart hurts.  I'm a paranoid crazy mom.  We usually don't go outside after 4pm and we eat out a lot!  It's never fun.

So back to the story... I said where to? and he said Italy.  I looked up and he had a huge smile.  I instantly read his mind and then he said, "what if you could come with?"  He explained that his airplane flight would be paid for + hotel + food so really if there was ever a time to go it would be on this trip.

We found out it would probably happen in November (this was in 2013, 6 months later).  We thought well our 10 year anniversary is coming up (in August) this would be a perfect way to celebrate.  So we didn't do anything really other than dinner for our 10 year Anniversary thinking we would save for the big trip.  We talked with my parents and they both agreed to watch our kiddos and that we should do it!!

And then he got the other email... The company that they are doing business with is moving to a new location and they don't want the equipment  until they are moved in.  This would be probably in June of 2014.  It was quite disappointing, but really we didn't have the money anyways, so at least it would give us time to start saving.  So we did.  June came and the company was still not ready for him and that it would be around September.  I started to think it would never happen, but I held onto the dream... I mean who wouldn't right?!

So finally after a year of waiting, last month KC confirmed the dates. And last night we bought the tickets!!!

But it's funny because now that it's really happening I am kinda freaking out! Don't get me wrong I am crazy excited to spend 10 days with the love of my life in the most romantic country in the world (I think so anyways) but I also have never left my kids for more than 2 days.  It's funny everyone says "they will be fine" and I'm sure they will be, but.... I am not sure I can do it.  The uncertainty, the losing control of everything they do, and knowing they will be waiting for us to get home day after day just breaks my heart.   I mean 10 days to a 2 year old is like years to an adult right?  These ideas are consuming me and I lie awake most nights thinking about it.  Why do I do this?  Seriously, KC is excited to leave them and just be us, and I know he loves them just as much as I do.   So why am I so afraid?

Last night as the hours were ticking away I woke KC up to tell him I didn't think I should go, and he said "Lynn, trust God."  And just like that I thought, oh ya... God is in control.  He's the safest person to be with, not KC or I or even my parents.  I prayed a long prayer, closed my eyes, and instantly fell asleep.  I have talked about my struggle with trusting God many times in this blog.  It truly is something that I work on every day.  I tend to live in fear and so letting go of those fears and trusting in him and that he is in control is really hard for me.

Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.  Joshua 1:9